Sunday, June 23, 2013

How are you?

So how are you?

Well...(that's a deep subject) it's hard to say.

Here, in this moment, I'm doing fine. I'm happy...I just had a wonderful conversation with my love, my house is mostly clean, it's peaceful and quiet. A candle burns on my coffee table and the scent wafts through my house.

But, if you'd asked me 5-6 hours ago how I was doing, the answer would have been different. The answer would have been "Please give me some sanity and take my child." I wanted my hubby home. I wanted normal. I wanted a moment - just one - to myself. I wanted to be able to finish a project without a baby crying incessantly.

I wanted to be able to be Rebekah, wife to Caleb, perfectionist, the one with the ultra clean house, the mom who had it together.

But I wasn't. I didn't have it all together. I didn't feel like me. I felt like tired, frazzled, frustrated mama who most certainly does not have it all together. The toys scattered all over three rooms, the half completed project on the table, the multiple other projects awaiting my attention, the half completed laundry - it was as if each one was another brick laid on my back to carry.

But here's what I realized: it's not my burden to carry. I'm not strong enough to hold up each of these responsibilities. I'm weak. I can't do it. But my God can.

So if you're wondering how I'm doing with my hubby being away...the answer is, it depends on the day/time. Some days, I struggle a lot. I want him home. I miss him so much. I long for the day when he will be home. Other days, I remember that God has a purpose for each of us in this time, and with all my heart I want to fulfill it.

Regardless, I can get through the day because HE is strong for me.

3 comments:

  1. Big hugs, Beka. I know what it's like to care for children alone. And it can be both very rewarding (as with all parenthood) and VERY tough. May you feel His presence in a special way during those tough times.
    "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." -Philippians 4:13

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  2. I could have written this! It's exactly how I felt through the entire deployment! ((hugs))

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    1. It's a funny mix of emotions, isn't it? Sometimes doing fine, sometimes really struggling...but always longing for the day they will be home. I'm just so glad that God is with me because I sure couldn't do this on my own!

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