Monday, June 13, 2016

Roots

Moving is hard, period. It doesn't matter if you move up the street or across the country or even around the world. It's all hard. (I should know--I've done all three.)


We've moved nine times in less than seven years.

I used to love it. I would just start to get annoyed by one particular thing in our home, and then find out shortly after that we were moving. It worked. It was like a brand new canvas, erasing all the quirks of the previous house and giving me a clean slate to work with.

But then one day two years ago, I wasn't excited any more. I wanted a home. I wanted to be able to enjoy a place without the next move looming over me.

At the same time, I didn't know how to do that. Our entire marriage consisted of one move after another. We had never "settled in" or painted or made a place our own. It was scary.

Right around this time, my Abba whispered to me that it was time to put down roots. A part of me wanted that security of a home, but another part of me didn't want it...I wanted to go back to the security of Georgia and the people we love. It was a struggle, but we knew this was where God wanted us.

Then we bought a house. Pretty permanent, right? Even still, I found myself thinking about the next move in the back of my mind. When would it be? How settled should I get? They were natural questions when we'd barely lived in any home for more than a year (the longest was 15 months).

Today marks 14.5 months in our home--our place to just be. I'm still figuring out this whole "settling in" 'thing', but I am really enjoying getting to take this blank ol' canvas and make it something we truly love.


Our home...before



A little addition to our front porch. :) More changes coming eventually!



Living Room Before...

 Living Room After (pre-curtains and decor)


Dining Room Before

And After!



Master Bath


And after!


There's been a whole lot of transforming going on around here, and not just in paint and fixtures. I'm changing too. I'm learning how to be "settled"--how to make this place my home.


And I've discovered that there's beauty in putting down roots.


Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Waiting

"It's hard to wait, Mom."

I probably hear it five or ten times a day some days...the voice of a little girl reminding me that patience is not her strongest of virtues.

I tell her "I'm sorry" or "You'll have to be patient" but inside I think to myself that someday she'll know waiting is just part of this thing called life.

It's not easy though.

I found myself looking for an old toy tonight--a toy Selah used to play with and decided she wanted to cuddle again. I dug through tubs of her old clothes in the garage, fingered through maternity outfits, and ended up in the baby room touching sacred little outfits yet unworn.

That's when it happened.

As I touched the baby clothes, I found myself mirroring my girl as I whispered in the depths of my heart: "It's hard to wait, Abba."

It's not even that I doubt His goodness or His faithfulness. And I know His timing is best. I know He will bless us with another child.

But this mama's heart is longing for the fulfillment of the promise.

Waiting is hard.

Sunday, April 3, 2016

A Little Goodbye

Ever since we moved into our home a year ago, we have had a room designated as "the baby room." Over the course of that year, our references to that room in general conversation have drawn more than a few raised eyebrows, especially when we clarify that we are not expecting.

Call it what you will--expectancy, or hope, or just a need to have somewhere to put the gazillion baby things we have. It's our baby room.

I realized today that that room has been driving me nuts.

Over the course of the past five or six months, I've really struggled with waiting on God. All of the feelings I dealt with around this time last year were back--of just wrestling with God's timing, of wanting something different than my reality. And each month, there was/is that awful reminder that my dream has failed to become real...again. Needless to say, it's been hard.

Back to the room.

Several months ago...(ahem, almost a year ago), we bought new doors to install in three of our bedrooms (including the baby room). For various reasons, the baby room door never got installed, which means that every time I walk by, I can see into the room.

Already struggling + constant baby stuff in my face = not a good mix  It wasn't helping me focus on the today, the here-and-now, my God-given reality.

Today I rearranged that room. I put as many of the baby things in the closet as I could. I moved the furniture to the far corner, out of immediate sight. And I moved my craft stuff in.

Baby room, while I look forward to you fulfilling your intended purpose, I'm choosing to live in the present. I will pray over your walls and eagerly await my answered prayer, but in the meantime, I will live.