Hills & Valleys: Our Faith Journey

Take courage. The Lord walks by your side. Yes, even in your waiting. Even when you feel all alone and wonder, "Where are you, God?"  He cares. He sees how hard the waiting is. He is for you. I know--it feels heavy. You feel all alone. You wonder why and how and a thousand other questions. So many questions. You wonder if He is even good. But He is .  Not because you've received your answer. Not because you feel happy. Not because your promise has been fulfilled.  He's good because that is who He is. I know it doesn't feel like it as you walk this dark valley. I know the pain and the tears and the questions so well. And while I can't take away your pain, I can say this: Your journey has purpose.  You're not alone. He is holding you in the palm of His hand. I don't know how and I don't know why pain is part of your story or part of mine. But I know this, our God is working it for your good.  He is good and He is faithful. Even when it doesn't fe...

Today, we received some disappointing news with our adoption. We heard back from Zoe's House (the new agency we were pursuing) earlier this afternoon, and they told us that they have determined they cannot accept any adoptive families with children at this time. The reason behind that decision is that most expectant mama's want to place with a childless family rather than one who already has children. While we understand the position the agency is in, our hearts are hurting. I wish I could tell expectant mamas our story, how hard of a journey it was to even have Selah, how much of a miracle her life is...that adoption was anything but an afterthought for us. Unfortunately, we do not have that option at this point. This journey towards growing our family has been so long and so hard every step of the way. Nine years of waiting, hoping, believing, wrestling, and trying to hold on amidst the tears. It feels like endless years of grief, of sowing without reaping. I am so...

Hi friends! It's hard to believe it's been SIX MONTHS since our last update!! Where has the time gone?! We have had many people ask us how our adoption is going over the past few months. Unfortunately, there really hasn't been much progress until recently. From Nov-March, we continued selling bits and pieces around our home to help with our adoption fund. We officially reached our goal of saving $10,000 towards our adoption!! I am amazed and blown away to think that all those $1 and $2 sales added up BIG time! (Side note: approx $2k of these funds were used in paying for our home study.) For the past six weeks or so, we've been prayerfully considering the direction for our adoption to take. Our "agency," COMPACT Family Services, has not had a single case since we signed on with them last March, and we began wondering if we needed to look elsewhere. :( They have sent us a few adoption situations from another agency, but that agency has had some significant ...

I've been debating on whether I should post this "update," but since I've shared snippets with some, I figured it made the most sense to just share publicly as well. A few weeks ago, I joined several adoption groups on Facebook. On Oct 30, a post popped up by one of the admin about an expectant mama in the south who was looking for an adoptive family. I commented, as did hundreds of other people. I really wasn't sure if anything would come of it, I just figured I would comment and see what God did. Well...o n Saturday, November 2, we received a Facebook message from the group admin telling us that the expectant mama (I'll refer to her as A) had chosen us from all those comments and would connect with us via FB. Around the same time, I received a message from A introducing herself and telling us a little of her story. I was at Homecoming at the college when I received the message, and I must admit that I was 100% distracted for the rest of the afterno...

So, you might be wondering--what on earth is induced lactation?! I figured I'd share some info here for those who might be curious. What is induced lactation? Quite simply, it's breastfeeding without pregnancy. How does it work? The process to get there varies from person to person, but usually involves some combination of herbs, medicines, etc. over 3-6 months to help stimulate the body to produce milk. Several months ago, I went on two medications to prepare (under the guidance of my doctor). I now pump throughout the day to encourage my body to make milk. Why induce lactation? It's no secret that breastmilk contains all sorts of beneficial antibodies and provides excellent nutrition. It's also a special bonding experience with your child. I felt like it was a no-brainer for me to induce lactation and give our baby the best I can. (*This is not to say formula is bad in any way, but I wanted to give nursing a shot first!) How did you learn about this? Induc...

I've had quite a few people ask lately if there's any progress with our adoption. Truth be told, there isn't much going on at the moment, but here's a little bit of an update and some info about our agency at least. We're currently in the matching phase, which can be the longest part of the adoption process. Our particular agency, CompACT Family Services, sometimes has more extended wait times because they only place a few kiddos every year. (This is partly because they don't operate like a traditional agency and do not have the same number of mamas contacting them for adoptive placements.) CompACT is an organization run by the Assemblies of God. They have three main functions: foster placements in foster homes; a maternity home, where young expectant mothers receive assistance and support throughout their pregnancies; and adoption services for those who are members of Assemblies of God churches. Some expectant mamas in the maternity home choose to place the...

Wow, I can't believe it's been FOUR MONTHS since my last blog post. I guess you could say I'm not very consistent with blogging. There always seems to be so much life stuff happening around here! Here's a bit of an update: We've spent the last few months going through our home to find things to sell to help grow our adoption fund. Most of the items have sold, which is very exciting!! We've also had friends donate things to us that they were getting rid of, which has also been a huge blessing. Mid-June, my friend Christina offered to have a yard sale benefiting our adoption. We spread the word to our church family and community, set the date for July 13th, and had  many  people donate items for the sale. It was truly overwhelming to see how generous people were. We set our fundraising goal for the sale as $2750--the remaining amount we needed to pay for our known adoption expenses (adoption lawyer, post-placement visits, etc). This amount felt like such a s...

How has it already been over a month since my last update? Time flies! I've had a bunch of people ask about where our adoption is up to, so I figured it was time for an update. :) We finally finished all of our paperwork mid-April and got it mailed off to our home study provider. We were SO excited to have it out of our hands and hopefully schedule our interviews as soon as we could. My hope was that our home study would be complete by the end of May. Unrealistic? Maybe. I just want to have this piece complete so we can really start to get excited!! Anyway, we hit a bit of a roadblock with scheduling our interviews. We have three pieces to our interviews--one-on-one interviews with each of us, an interview with the three of us, and a home visit to make sure our home is safe. The issue was, the provider was only available during school hours. As many of you are aware, I'm in a long-term substitute position that meant I was working Mon-Fri through mid-May. The next times the ...

Over the past couple of weeks, we've been chipping away at our home study paperwork. It is difficult to explain just how involved it is for those who have never gone through it. Here's a quick run-down: - Birth certificates - Marriage certificate - Drivers license copies - Tax return copies - Pay stubs - Letter from employer - Background checks for every state we've lived in (we have six) - Local background checks - Fingerprinting for FBI background checks - Physical exam including TB test for all three of us - References - Statement from our vet that our dog is safe - Various documents to sign - Copy of our home study - Questionnaire completed by both of us - Individual questionnaires (very detailed) by each of us, including things like the strengths and weaknesses of our marriage, our upbringing, family values, etc. - Special needs checklist (what we're open to) - Various case studies - Letters from my counselors signing off on ...

We're currently in the midst of our home study, and have been getting a lot of questions lately about what is involved, how long it will take, etc. So, I figured I'd give a little insight into this part of the process. :) First up, what is a home study? A home study is an assessment of our family to make sure we are good candidates for adoption. This process involves loads of paperwork, including background checks for every state we've lived in (we've lived in 6 between the three of us). Here's a rough idea of some of the paperwork involved: - Background checks - Questionnaires for each adoptive parent on our parents, our relationships with parents, childhood, siblings, education, career history, future career plans, personality, marriage, reasons behind wanting to adopt, and questions. - Special needs checklist--determining what we are open to considering (this is a very extensive list) - Various scenarios to consider and respond to - Physical exam, in...

Just thought I'd compile some of the answers to the questions we've been asked lately. :) What kind of adoption are you pursuing? Domestic infant adoption. At this time, we feel a baby would be the best fit for our family. We have looked into foster care, adoption of children, sibling adoptions, etc. While these are all very necessary types of adoption, it's not where we're feeling God's leading right now. How old will the child be that you're adopting? A newborn. :) What agency are you working with? We are working with COMPACT Family Services, which is a ministry of the Assemblies of God and provides matching services. We are so excited and thrilled to be working with them! How much does it cost? It's no secret that adoption is expensive. That being said, COMPACT operates a little differently to many adoption agencies--more like as a facilitator of a private adoption. They do not charge for their services, instead seeing it as a ministry opportu...

For those who might be wondering why or how we decided to adopt...here's a piece of our story! In 2010, we felt God stirring our hearts about adoption and the many children who need homes. We started gathering information, and in 2011, began working with a Christian adoption agency. We completed our home study and were so excited to begin our family via adoption. However, just a week before we were eligible to begin matching, we discovered we were pregnant. This put everything on hold. In 2013, Caleb was deployed to Afghanistan. We didn't get to talk often, and when we did, Caleb was usually so exhausted from the 16-20 hour work days that he didn't talk much. One conversation from deployment stood out though, for so many reasons--he told me he felt like God was stirring in him again about adoption. Little did he know, I had been feeling the same thing! That being said, the timing wasn't right, with deployment still happening plus a lot of uncertainty about a job ...

Thanks for following me over here for a bit of an update. I figured it might be easier to post here since I have a tendency of becoming long-winded on FB posts, and it seems fitting to include it here, along-side the other baby-related updates. Let's just get the inevitable question out of the way: No, I'm not pregnant. Here's the update: A few weeks ago, we underwent a fertility procedure that would increase our chances of getting pregnant. We were so hopeful and excited that this could be our month. A million little things seemed to click into place--from perfectly timed doctor's appointments to my body's response to the medication. We dared to hope. Two and a bit weeks later, we got an answer in the form of one pink stripe-- negative. I'm not gonna lie, I think it was one of the hardest moments of this journey for me. I tested and re-tested, hoping it was just too soon, but nope...that one silly line kept showing up over and over again. The last f...

I don't think it's any secret that the past four months, I've changed my eating habits and thereby have lost some weight. I've had a bunch of people ask me recently for more specifics on what I've been doing, so I figured I'd share here. First of all, I did NOT use any kind of subscription, pill, shake, etc. to lose weight. If that's your thing, go for it. I just don't like the idea of having to purchase something in order to lose weight and maintain a healthy size. I wanted something sustainable for life, that didn't cost me a lot of extra money (because let's face it, who has extra money laying around??). The Nutrition Side I absolutely love nutrition. I added a Nutrition minor to my college degree because of how much I enjoy it, and I honestly wish I'd had the time to take more classes. So, I've learned about a lot of different diets out there and why diets generally don't work. I also know that going to extremes (e.g. complet...

Well, let's just call this the year of getting REALLY acquainted with the medical profession, shall we? Haha. In all honestly, I don't think I've been to the doctor as many times in my whole life as I've been this year. In some respects it feels like we just get one thing taken care of before something else crops up. In August, I started having a variety of symptoms that ultimately led to the diagnosis of several different issues, C-diff being one of them. (Since a bunch of people have asked--yes, I'm completely better from that.) One of the other things I was diagnosed with was an ovarian cyst. This cyst was so painful that it became difficult to do normal activities--walk, go up any stairs, get in the car, etc. Everything became so very painful. After dealing with it for about a week and a half, I finally got a diagnosis which was later confirmed by ultrasound. Last Monday, I had a followup ultrasound to check on the cyst. My pain had all but disappeared so I ...

1. Have you tried reducing stress in your life? Ya know, there is absolutely no medical basis for this kind of statement. Plenty of babies have been conceived in stressful times--let's think about war, tornadoes, major storm systems... Less stress does not necessarily equal an easier time getting pregnant. 2. Maybe you should look into adoption. Adoption is not a quick fix for people struggling to get pregnant. Speaking from my own situation, I want (and believe God will give us) the experience of carrying my babies in my belly, birthing them, etc. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE adoption. I want to adopt someday. But that doesn't change my desire for bio kids, too. Also, can we just stop for a minute and realize kids available for adoption aren't a commodity to fill a need?!? They are people too. They have needs, many of which are more complex because of the situations they are born into. They need parents who are ready to work through these needs with th...

I've been getting a lot of questions lately about how I'm feeling, where things are up to in our journey, etc. I figured that means it's time for an update here. ;) Many of you know I ended up getting a UTI and C-diff about a month ago that made me sick for about a month. The ER doctor thought my pain was related to the UTI since they ruled out any issues with my appendix. However, the pain persisted for weeks after the UTI was resolved and actually worsened, so I ended up bringing it up with Dr. Poppy. A quick exam led her to believe I had an ovarian cyst. Last week, I had an ultrasound performed which confirmed the presence of an ovarian cyst that is almost the size of my ovary. OUCH! No wonder there was so much pain. Thankfully, my pain levels have now eased, though I can still feel the cyst sometimes. I'm not sure what the game plan is with that--I'm waiting to hear back from Dr. P. The C-diff and all associated symptoms have now cleared up, so I'm back ...

Hey friends! Thought I'd post another health update since it's been a few days since my last. I so appreciate those who are following my/our journey towards better overall health and baby #2! It's now been 2.5 weeks since I received my test results from my doctor that necessitated implementing a low carb diet. I'm not gonna lie, it's been hard. I haven't really grocery shopped and this has meant that I've been skipping meals at times because it feels like there isn't much I can eat in a house full of carbs (bread, potatoes, crackers, etc etc). It's not that way all the time, so don't feel like I"m starving myself or anything. ;) I'm still eating plenty, I am just working through what these food changes mean for me. One of the things my doctor recommended was starting on a magnesium supplement. My levels were low so it made sense to supplement. I've never had any issues with any medication so I jumped right in, excited to "...

Well, I've officially made it one week into this low carb "thing." In some ways, it's been harder than I thought. At the beginning, it literally felt like there was nothing I could eat. The second day, I was so depressed looking in the pantry at all the things I cannot eat that I completely fell off the bandwagon and ate whatever I wanted. Cue headaches and generally feeling awful. Let's just say I learned my lesson. ;) We don't eat a lot of sweets or dessert at home, so that part hasn't been terribly difficult. But when you're used to eating pasta or crackers or bread or loads of fruit....well, those are tough to give up. I'd bought bananas (highest carb fruit) and grapes (second highest carb fruit) the day before my test results came back, and it was awful to realize I couldn't eat them. I also learned that the watermelon, peaches, and mangoes that I so enjoy are also on the no-no list. So much of what I used to enjoy now has to be strictly...

Just thought I'd share a bit of an update on what's going on with me health-wise. Yesterday I received an email with all of my test results from my recent bloodwork with my new doctor, Dr. Poppy. The testing showed several deficiencies--magnesium, iron, and vitamin D. I've heard many people are deficient in magnesium, and I've been vitamin D deficient multiple times, so neither of these shocked me. Being low in iron was a little surprising, though. I have recently started taking a prenatal that includes iron, so hopefully given time, all will be up to par again. The test revealed some other information as well. The first big piece of that puzzle was a progesterone deficiency. Both myself and Dr. Poppy suspected this, but it was "nice" (if nice is the right word) to have some sort of definite information on that. For those who may not be aware, progesterone is *hugely* important in getting pregnant and sustaining a pregnancy. Essentially, it prepares the lin...