Hills & Valleys: Our Faith Journey

A few weeks ago, I was sitting on a flight heading back home to Georgia from Australia. I had booked my return flight at the last minute with a cheap airline because I didn't want to sell both arms and legs to pay for the crazy expensive prices on the better airlines. At the end of the day, I made it from point A to point B, which I guess is the point. Anyway, during the flight we encountered some turbulence. The pilot said that flying over Fiji is always like that - something about their weather I think he said. I was just trying to hold in my airline meal at the time, so I wasn't entirely paying attention. :) After his announcement, I remember looking up and noticing that the "fasten seatbelts" sign wasn't lit up. I was surprised, especially because of just how  bumpy that portion of the flight was. Parts of my flight (with a more expensive airline) coming to Sydney had been bumpy, and the "fasten seatbelts" sign had been lit up the whole time. T...

I was a little girl. Innocent. I shouldn't have known such pain, but I did. Not physical pain, but deep emotional pain. I think I could have dealt with the physical pain - at least that heals. But this pain, it lingers. Over and over again it cuts me to the core and I wonder how I will heal yet again. I wonder if  I will heal. Rejection. Disgust. Never good enough. That's what I felt. It's what I still feel. I used to think maybe it would get better. "Maybe he'll change," I told myself. Yet even as the words formed in my mind, I knew I didn't really believe them. It had been over 20 years and nothing had changed - why would it be different now? The pain went on, sometimes with new wounds on a daily basis. Inside, I was still a little girl, still trying to process how to stop the hurting, how to make things happy again. I wondered what I'd done wrong, in what way I hadn't measured up this time. For most of my life, I thought I just wasn'...

...when I feel like I can hardly breathe because I miss you so... ...when all I long for is just to hold your hand again ...when I look at pictures of us together and try to tell myself it won't be long ...when I desperately want to believe it won't be long til you're home, but it still feels like eternity ...when I don't want to just tell you about a moment that happened, I want you to be here to experience it with us ...when I get tired of explaining to people that yes, I'm married, even though some friends may have never met you ...when I'm tired of the waiting and the countdown and I just want our homecoming to be here ...when I want to laugh with you, cry with you, be with you. Make no mistake - deployment is hard.

It's something that I was talking to someone about recently - a lesson I thought I'd learned. A lesson they were learning. A hard lesson. But of late, I'm re-learning. I have to worship in the waiting. Right now, I'm waiting for my husband to come home. He's been gone about 8 months, and every one of them I have missed him more. The waiting isn't easy at all. Sometimes I get busy and the hours pass without me noticing...but make no mistake, I still miss him. I still want him by my side more than anything. I have my days when I just want to cry and fall apart - I'm human. At the same time, I know God has purpose in this season. After all, why else would He have brought us to this? So, I have walked these eight months trying to keep that mindset. I have tried to look at each new week as an opportunity to further allow Him to fulfil His purpose in me. And, for the most part, it keeps me going when things get tough. But lately I've gotten to think more...

Some days, my day is extremely productive and I wrap up my day with my homework completed for the night, a tidy house, and a happy heart. Sometimes, I get nothing done at all. Today was one of those "sometimes". Dishes piled all over my counter, a half-completed lab assignment, toys spread throughout the house, clothes waiting to be put away, laundry desperately needing to be done, sheets that haven't been washed in I don't know how long floors that seem to attract the leaves from outside, and A never-ending pile of homework. A pinch of reality. :) But...I'm learning that when life gets crazy busy and everything starts to feel overwhelming and like "I don't know how to get all this done," the very thing I need to do is what makes no sense: stop . Breathe. So, in the spirit of taking time to breathe, I forgot the pile of dishes. I left my sheets to be washed another day. And I decided the laundry could wait til Selah went to bed....

Chains. Bondage. Empty. Alone. As I look into your eyes, I see so much emptiness...so much sadness...so much hopelessness. You are searching, longing for more. You want peace. You want hope. You want to know freedom. You want healing for your scarred heart. But you're scared. What will it cost? Will it be worth it? Oh, that I could help you see that the trade-off is nothing in comparison to what you will receive. That emptiness you feel? Filled, to overflowing. That sadness? Replaced with the greatest joy you could know. That hopelessness? Changed into such hope and peace beyond your comprehension. Dear one, HE is the rest you seek. HE is the joy you long for. HE is what you are craving. Won't you let Him set you free? Freedom Joy Hope A future

Sometimes, I wish I was somebody else.  Somebody with a normal life. Somebody who lives in the same house for more than a year at a time. Somebody who has a regular, stable income. Somebody whose hair doesn't start to change color in their 20's. Somebody who has a predictable, mundane life. All of my life I had envisioned this picture perfect life - nice home, money in the bank, steady job. I never wanted luxury, just enough to meet our needs and have a little in the bank. I didn't imagine a big fancy home, just something we could call home and that could be a peaceful, restful place. My desire was not for much, just for enough. Seven moves, five years... Four different jobs... Four states... Six different houses... With all of the twists and turns of  this life, sometimes I have struggled with the fact that nothing about my life looks the way I wanted it to. It's just not "normal". Just recently I learned that next year we will be do...