Hills & Valleys: Our Faith Journey

...when I feel like I can hardly breathe because I miss you so... ...when all I long for is just to hold your hand again ...when I look at pictures of us together and try to tell myself it won't be long ...when I desperately want to believe it won't be long til you're home, but it still feels like eternity ...when I don't want to just tell you about a moment that happened, I want you to be here to experience it with us ...when I get tired of explaining to people that yes, I'm married, even though some friends may have never met you ...when I'm tired of the waiting and the countdown and I just want our homecoming to be here ...when I want to laugh with you, cry with you, be with you. Make no mistake - deployment is hard.

It's something that I was talking to someone about recently - a lesson I thought I'd learned. A lesson they were learning. A hard lesson. But of late, I'm re-learning. I have to worship in the waiting. Right now, I'm waiting for my husband to come home. He's been gone about 8 months, and every one of them I have missed him more. The waiting isn't easy at all. Sometimes I get busy and the hours pass without me noticing...but make no mistake, I still miss him. I still want him by my side more than anything. I have my days when I just want to cry and fall apart - I'm human. At the same time, I know God has purpose in this season. After all, why else would He have brought us to this? So, I have walked these eight months trying to keep that mindset. I have tried to look at each new week as an opportunity to further allow Him to fulfil His purpose in me. And, for the most part, it keeps me going when things get tough. But lately I've gotten to think more...

Some days, my day is extremely productive and I wrap up my day with my homework completed for the night, a tidy house, and a happy heart. Sometimes, I get nothing done at all. Today was one of those "sometimes". Dishes piled all over my counter, a half-completed lab assignment, toys spread throughout the house, clothes waiting to be put away, laundry desperately needing to be done, sheets that haven't been washed in I don't know how long floors that seem to attract the leaves from outside, and A never-ending pile of homework. A pinch of reality. :) But...I'm learning that when life gets crazy busy and everything starts to feel overwhelming and like "I don't know how to get all this done," the very thing I need to do is what makes no sense: stop . Breathe. So, in the spirit of taking time to breathe, I forgot the pile of dishes. I left my sheets to be washed another day. And I decided the laundry could wait til Selah went to bed....

Chains. Bondage. Empty. Alone. As I look into your eyes, I see so much emptiness...so much sadness...so much hopelessness. You are searching, longing for more. You want peace. You want hope. You want to know freedom. You want healing for your scarred heart. But you're scared. What will it cost? Will it be worth it? Oh, that I could help you see that the trade-off is nothing in comparison to what you will receive. That emptiness you feel? Filled, to overflowing. That sadness? Replaced with the greatest joy you could know. That hopelessness? Changed into such hope and peace beyond your comprehension. Dear one, HE is the rest you seek. HE is the joy you long for. HE is what you are craving. Won't you let Him set you free? Freedom Joy Hope A future

Sometimes, I wish I was somebody else.  Somebody with a normal life. Somebody who lives in the same house for more than a year at a time. Somebody who has a regular, stable income. Somebody whose hair doesn't start to change color in their 20's. Somebody who has a predictable, mundane life. All of my life I had envisioned this picture perfect life - nice home, money in the bank, steady job. I never wanted luxury, just enough to meet our needs and have a little in the bank. I didn't imagine a big fancy home, just something we could call home and that could be a peaceful, restful place. My desire was not for much, just for enough. Seven moves, five years... Four different jobs... Four states... Six different houses... With all of the twists and turns of  this life, sometimes I have struggled with the fact that nothing about my life looks the way I wanted it to. It's just not "normal". Just recently I learned that next year we will be do...

Seven years. Two people, born on opposite sides of the world. A young man, wondering when he would meet his bride. A young woman, waiting for her husband. God brings them together to meet online. They fall in love through letters, emails, instant messaging, Skype, and phone calls. Six years. Boy meets girl in the Atlanta airport. Girl's heart skips a beat when she sees her love running towards her for the first time with a bouquet of roses in his hand. He proposes, a month after she arrives. She says yes. (They forget to take engagement pictures together.) They say goodbye once again...this time for 3 months as they attend school in separate states. More letters, emails, Skype and phone calls, oftentimes using a borrowed cell phone since she did not have her own. They reunite for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and spend lots of time growing together as a couple. She is unexpectedly accepted into his school as a transfer student, when there were...

Again...all I can say is how grateful I am. This week has been kinda crazy busy, very overwhelming at times, and Selah has not been sleeping well for almost 2 weeks. BUT, I serve an incredible, mighty, loving God who cares about me. Since beginning school, I have really  tried to set aside Shabbat (Sabbath - Saturday) as a day of complete rest. I don't have housework scheduled for Saturdays, but up until now I've just done whatever. If I notice a job needing to be done, I'll do it. But, when I began school, I felt like I needed to set that day aside completely from homework and housework - not because I legalistically "can't" do anything on Shabbat, but because I knew I needed some dedicated time in my week that I knew I would just be able to breathe, relax, recharge for the week. I've been doing this for the last two weekends, and it has been amazing! It is so nice to look at projects I really want to be working on throughout the week and know that th...