Hills & Valleys: Our Faith Journey

So how are you? Well...(that's a deep subject) it's hard to say. Here, in this moment, I'm doing fine. I'm happy...I just had a wonderful conversation with my love, my house is mostly clean, it's peaceful and quiet. A candle burns on my coffee table and the scent wafts through my house. But, if you'd asked me 5-6 hours ago how I was doing, the answer would have been different. The answer would have been "Please give me some sanity and take my child." I wanted my hubby home. I wanted normal. I wanted a moment - just one - to myself. I wanted to be able to finish a project without a baby crying incessantly. I wanted to be able to be Rebekah, wife to Caleb, perfectionist, the one with the ultra clean house, the mom who had it together. But I wasn't. I didn't have it all together. I didn't feel like me. I felt like tired, frazzled, frustrated mama who most certainly does not  have it all together. The toys scattered all over three roo...

I don't really know where to begin. This has been weighing on me since Friday, and I still haven't figured out the exact word to describe how I'm feeling. At Selah's one year doctor's appointment, the doctor and I discussed her weight a little. I knew she wanted Selah to gain more - we've been talking about it for several months. But, as far as I understood, it was always a "She's doing fine, I'd just like to see her a little chubbier" kind of conversation. And honestly, that's how the conversation seemed to go on Friday too. The doc recommended I start Selah on Pediasure just to help her get enough calories, and I told her we'd give it a shot. She gave me a WIC prescription in case we were eligible (I wasn't sure at the time) and I stuffed it in the diaper bag, figuring I'd check it out later. Well, when I got home and looked at the prescription, I saw three words I had never even considered being applied to Selah:  "f...

I enthusiastically signed up for an online Bible study a few weeks ago, declaring to myself that I was not  going to fall behind this time as is commonly my manner. This time, I will stay on top of it, I determined. Yet here I am, and I'm behind. I can't say it doesn't bother me. It does. I feel like it's not that hard, plenty of other people are keeping up to date on it - so why can't I? And, this is supposed to be a community-building study - a time when I can learn and grow spiritually in a community of military wives. I just know that there's more I could get out of this study if I was doing it at the same pace as everyone else. But then I remember what God has been showing me of late: perfection isn't necessary. There is no panel of judges scoring me on whether I complete my Bible study on the assigned schedule. There's no laundry police giving me an F on my wifely report card for not having folded that load of laundry in the dryer. And there...